otAk dan hatI

walawei geng... aku tw xdak sapa pnah bc blog aku kt sni.. haha,, prasan lak mcm da geng kt sni.. xpala.. biaq aku ckp sowg2 kt sni... sni ja la tmpt aku nk express sket2 prasaan aku... kt tmpt aku ni x blh nk express lbey2 dah aku duk umh sewa... tme x dak owg blh la.. haha...

aku skrg da stat prktikal.. kt hotel uitm s.alam... agak ok la.. tp sumthing is bothering my mind n my feelings... xtw la serius ke x... tp blh wt aku x mkn 1 ari gak la smlm... haha... pstu tgh mlm tu mkn gak da kwn aku ajak.. ikutkan mlas je nk mkn.. mkn angin lg bgus.. tp sbut mkn angin nie.. smlm aku p sunway pyramid... bsaq gla tmpt tu... trgamam gak tp cntrol2 gak la beb... haha... tkot trmalu kt kwn aku sowg nie.. aku x pnh p tmpt tu, nn 1st time la aku smpai tmpt tu... drive sndiri lak tu.. haha... haaa, lgu angel nga men dlm playlist aku nie.. huhu... lg la brmslah pala hotak aku nie.. ok2... smbung blk smbl lyn lgu nie.. drive sndiri g tmpt tu... mmbr aku bg drection... aku pn bwk la.. nk msuk tmpt tu pn da mcm gmpak gak la... ahahha... x biasa p katakan.. kami p ni pn sbb dya nk jmpa awek dya kt sna... aku pn fllow ja la da dya ajak..

smpai sana kami trus cri surau dlu.. yala da tolal p pon da msuk magrib kan.. n surau dya kcik gla... muat jmaah 4 owg ja nk habaq kt ampa... adoi... tmpt punya la bsaq gdabak tp surau pnya kcik... xpuas ati btoi aku... haha... tp x pala.. kami smbyg gak kt situ.. ok. abis kt situ.. pstu, kami pn truskan misi mncari awek dya lak... awek dya ni tnggu kat ice skating punya tmpt... memusing gak laa kami cri tmpt tu.. ngn ptong2 egypt dya... pergh... lg bsaq dr mid kot aku rasa... gagaga(tu pn 1st time gak aku p tme wt date ngn sapa tah).. last2 jmpa gak la.... then she asked us to skate... wtf??? do i know hw to skate??? hahah... so funny.. aku pk brpuluh kali gak la.. siap msj mak aku lg ckp myb nk skate... tp harga dya??? adoih... mahai sngt.. smpai rm30.. huhu... aku pn decide nk skate sbb nk try kan.. mmbr aku pn ye2 er kan je la.. hahha.. tp nsib bek tmpt tu nk tutup dah... so sep la duit kami yg blh tahan utk mkn seminggu kt sni... huhu.. pastu men arcade je la... aku men game blg2 bola basketball... to relive my memory of us at kuantan n mid. sebak gak tyme tu sbb aku men sowg2 sbb klu x da sowg lg kan... n aku tgk ja la mmbr aku ngn awek dya men mnda tu sma2.. nsib bek x nangis.... brkurang kurang la lg mood aku nk enjoy.. da la nk msj dya pn x dak kdit... n mcm gram gak la sblm tu ngn dya sbb tdoq lmbt pa suma tah.. hurm.. xpa.

lpas men tu p coffee bean jap... nk amik game psp kt psp adk awek dya... alih2 memory card tu sngkut dlm lptop mmbr aku nie... cuak dya.. haha.. last2 da blh bwk kuaq mnda tu corrupt plak.. aiseyh... aku pn tgk je la... kdg2 je ckp ngn spupu dowg... bdk tu patah tgn men game tmbuk2 kt arcade mna tah,... bpak klaka siot. haha... tp aku x glak pn la.. sbb mmg nga xdak prasaan pa2 pn tyme tu... sbb xdak mood sngt aku pn kol la si dya yg xdak kdit nie.. really need to hear her voice at dat particular tyme... kol2 x angkat.. xpa la.. aku pn wt2 la pk dya tnggai hp dya dlm bilik kaa kan.. nk +ve thinking la konon.. pdhal tme tu da depress gla2 dah... tyme tu aku da boring.. xdak pa nk wt.. jln2 pusing ja sunway tu... aku pn da blank tyme tu.. x blh nk pk pa dah.. yg mmbr aku ni jln ngn awek dya.. xnk la kcau daun kan.. haha... aku mmg lost gla tyme tu... after sometimes, i tried to call her again... then dye jwb, dye ckp nga tgk wayang sbb tu x angkat... aku pn pa lg.. trus tacing gak la kan... byk kli gak aku kol dya sblm tu.. x slh pn klu nk jwb sat kan.. aku ckp xpa2 trus ltak.. mmg emosi aku trgnggu mnggu nie... kna lg mcm tu lak kan.. pstu x ckp byk dah... tmpt tu pun nk ttup dah kami pn blah..

msa nk kuaq dr tmpt tu pn blh jam kan... adoi... stgh jam gak nk la lpas kuaq.. aku drive lg.. tp xksah sngt laaa... aku pn drive laa... nga2 drive tu keta tu wt hal... tiba enjin mati.. nk kata enjen sjuk x gak.. aku pn da stat cuak tp wt2 x cuak... x blh blah.... hhaha.. aku pn drive la gak slow2... x slowg la sngt.. smpai s.alam keta tu wt hal lg... tkan minyak x jln2 gak.. siap mnda pa dah yg meletop... gla la wehh... x pnh pn jd kt aku... da la tgh2 mlm... klu sngkut kt stu x tw la pa nk jd... bla da check2 blk x dak pa pn... aku pn smbung drive,.. mmbr aku ni suh psang emergency signal.. haha.. da mcm vip lak.. tp mmg kami cuak la tyme tu,... da la mmg x tw sngt bab2 keta nie... tw lanyak ja... pstu alhamdulillah la smpai gak...

hmm... aku post blog ni pn sbb mnda ni mcm interesting gak la... even aku tw xdak spa pn yg bca nie sja aku post gak.. mcm aku cita kt laptop aku nie laa.. aku nk cita kt si dya tu da la x dak kdit.. n wt aku mcm sakit ati lak kan... klu x suma aku cta kt dya jaaa.. x yah la aku nk pos kt blog nie... hahaha... gla arhh aku ni aku rasa.. k la.. daaa... nk wt buku log lak nie.. esk last day aku kt department coffee house,... huhu.. sdey... msuk central kitchen lak pasni.. dgr kata kt situ da staff yg gay... alahai... tawakal ja la aku nnt.. bismillahitawakalhuallalah..... assalamualaikum... u r my only one...

Mist of Miss

Tonight I am all alone
on this couch with my laptop
while messaging her
talking about our time together

there is a mist surrounding me
a mist of miss
it causes my tears of sadness
to run down my cheeks and chin

I am missing her a lot
day by day this mist is getting thicker
i do not know where to run anymore
this mist is killing me

do not know when will we meet again
maybe in 5 months
but can i survive for that long
only me and myself will know

one thing is for sure
i will hold on to her no matter what
even I have to wait for another thousand years
cause I love her

Blur Confusion

What happen between us tonight?
I don't even realize what did really happen
At first it was all flowers and rainbows
In the end only blur and confusion surround us

we were talking and joking
suddenly all turn to blue and gray
I don't know what to do now
this blur is confusing me

i don't want to make her cry again
don't want to make her punch wall again
enough i said
i don't want to hurt her anymore

maybe i was destined to live alone
so that i dun have to hurt anyone
every night my tears are dropping
without any reasons and onions

i am slowly closing my eyes
hoping that this mist of confusion will disappear
in this darkness of night
i will disappear

ari emo sedunia....(smlm)

huhuhuhuuhuhuu.... i guess dat headline is not for everyone... aku sowg je... waaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... xtw ar pehal la smlm jiwa aku kacau truk... sucks!!! myb sbb smlm tu aku de test akaun yg mcm haram aku xdpt jwb... rse bodow gle... nk wt test tu sram sjuk tgn aku nk mnjwbnye,,, da lme akuk x seram sjuk ble jwb test ni... last aku jt mcm tu tme aku jwb spm.. aku seram sejuk ble aku x pham pe yg aku wt n x blh jwb satu2 exam tu...

esknye aku terus dmam... then got a sms, morning my lovey... tme tu aku da rse ok... tp tah pe la yg jd... tgh hari tu msing2 jd xde mood.. every seconds i spent yesterday evening feel like i wanna die... xtw pe yg jd ngn aku smlm... sng sngt nk tacing... pdhal da lme dah aku x jd mcm tu... feel so guilty, stupid n shit!!! huhu.... mlm pun mcm tu gak... x bls msj pn aku nk kecoh???? fuck me... smlm mmg aku gle... pg ni bwu aku sdr sume tu... im gonna call her later.. lpas sidai bju... nsib bek laaa aku x wt gle ngn kwn2 aku... ngn final exam mndatang pe sume ni... mcm ni la jdnye.. adoi... tp yg jd mngsa si dye... im so sorry... believe me i wouldnt do anything to hurt u... its all bcoz of me...

skrg ni aku rse x puas ati ngn diri sendiri... rse nk hntuk2 pala kt dinding pn ade. td lpas bsuh bju aku lmpat sowg2 dlm bilik mcm owg gla.... rumate aku sume xde dlm bilik.. hope sngt time lompat2 tu aku slip jtuh n koma... hahha... x yah la nk face pressure ni sume... n i dun hve to hurt her again.... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... T_T

FFF...

Final final final...tu ar mksud fff tu... x lme da ni... aku akaun pn kucar kacir lg... math pn lbeh kurang... ngn prktikal pn senyap je... xde notice pe2 pn... sakit kepala mcm ni... adoiii... jiwa kacau... tekanan... huhu... test result pn trok... haiya,... xtw npe sem ni... sume serabut.. celaru... cobaan....

aku bwu2 ni de msuk open tournament chess... bapak tercabar... n humble gle ngn bdk2 yg msuk tournament tu.... korg bayangkan bdk2 yg msuk ramai skul rendah... lwn ngn bdk2 ipt n owg tua... mnang lak tu... haha.. klu owg yg x tw mnde2 ni mmg agak klaka la... tp aku mmg respek gle dowg... tabik spring beb... naib johan dpt bdk pmpuan umo 8 taun x slap aku... comel gle... bangga mak bapak budak tu...

nxt sem gue da prktikal... gudbye uitm dungun... mmbr2... sume la yg knal aku kt uitm ni... makcik cleaner, umi, mama, sume mmg bez... n yg plg bez aku xmaw sebut spe... klu dye bce dye tw la kot... yg knpem bkn ko acab... haha...

FFF...

AArrggHHH.. (marah2)

ni aku nk cte psl smlm... kt kitchen.. x tw la npe sem ni aku asyik wt slack je dlm kitchen... mcm2 la xkne. wt ni x kne wt tu x kne. pastu kne maki hamun ngn si katek kerek tu lg... pergh... aku smlm hilang sbr jap... bkn pe. aku in charge jge vege... then 1st time wt overcooked coz aku lpe nk check.. xpe la yg tu aku blh time coz mmg slah aku. then 2nd time wt aku xtw spe yg msukkan sbb aku nga wt kje len tme tu.. ingat nnt nk wt.. then cod(chef of the day) tnye aku da check vege ke.. tgk2 dah ade owg msukkan dlm steamer tu.. check2 sket lg nk overcooked. dah tu kne mrh lak ngn cod... mmg ar F^&)... aku xtw pe pn.. rpenye de la malaun ni yg letak.. cod pn berleter aku jgn harap owg tlg kte... lorh... aku x suh tlg pn.. aku mmg nk wt mnde tu.. yg sibuk pehal.. da wt tu gtaw la len kali... yg ko senyap pehal... mcm SIAL... cod pn kerek semcm... nk kte slah aku n jgn slahkan owg len.. pk ar dlu weh... klu ko kne mcm tu bwu ko tw... smlm nsib x de aku ngamuk tol2... kowg nk tgk aku ngamuk wt laaa... ingat aku huha xde nk mrh2 blh nk pijak pale... g ar MAM...